from BARDO

The stars are in our belly; the Milky Way our umbilicus.

Is it a consolation that the stuff of which we’re made

is star-stuff too?

– That wherever you go you can never fully disappear –

dispersal only: carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen.

Tree, rain, coal, glow-worm, horse, gnat, rock.

Roselle Angwin

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

50 reasons not to date a poet (Betty Generic)

Light relief for you (however, if you didn't get through the badger cull blog, do not pass 'Go' and do not collect £200). 

This one's not mine, but is reblogged from 

It made me smile.

I'm itching to intervene, add, alter, comment and generally hijack it – but I repeat, it's not mine. (By the way, I NEVER wear white shoes. On the other hand, I suspect I abuse asyndetons all the time.)
  1. In search for that elusive metaphor, poets can be somewhat 'eccentric.'
  2. They have deep conversations with animals, clouds, and Grecian Urns.
  3. If you date a poet everyone will think you are the jerk they are writing about.
  4. You will be the jerk they are writing about.
  5. Excessive use of  'Poetry Hands.'
  6. Excessive use of  'poetic licence.'
  7. Excessive use of  'melancholy.'
  8. Excessive use of  'apostrophes.'
  9. They collect antediluvian words that have not been in circulation for at least 100 years or more.
  10. They look for opportunities to insert obscure words into conversations just to rebel against the modern world.
  11. They think children’s films and books are sublime.
  12. They refuse to care where the remote is.
  13. All  their furniture will be positioned around windows for them to stare out for hours at a time.
  14. Your parents will think they are possessed.
  15. They are possessed.
  16. You will lose all arguments, or feel so guilty you wish you had lost.
  17. They will secretly judge your metaphors as similes.
  18. They carry a notebook everywhere and let everyone see it but you.
  19. They hoard pens and refuse to let you borrow them.
  20. They are obsessed with incredibly depressing films without happy endings.
  21. They listen to every single kind of music you can imagine, even Brazilian monkey howling listening for universal truth.
  22. They keep conversations going way too long.
  23. You will never know if they agree with you or are just following you down the rabbit hole to see how crazy you are.
  24. They will visit other rabbit holes.
  25. They can’t keep secrets.  It will come out thinly veiled and mythologized in their poetry.
  26. It takes a least a week to a year for them to form their opinion about something, and that opinion is subject to change.
  27. They speak in rhyme all the time.
  28. They talk to everyone, which a lot of people find scary, especially at the grocery store.
  29. They don’t understand why if murder, rape, slavery, and genocide are illegal, then why is war legal?
  30. They think people need to be protected from Monsanto, instead of protecting Monsanto.
  31. They do not understand why group “X” is all of a sudden hated by everyone.
  32. They don’t understand the global threat of Dandelions and why we must eradicate the threat with toxic chemicals.
  33. They refuse to care what celebrities are fighting on twitter, or at least they pretend not to care what celebrities are fighting on twitter.
  34. They are rebels and purposely wear white shoes after Labor Day.
  35. They think espresso machines and tiny cups are magic.
  36. They look at life as a mystery, but when they look at you like a mystery, it makes you think there is something stuck in you teeth.
  37. They will make you empty out your head and your heart like they are junk drawers and question everything in them.
  38. They cannot live without passion.
  39. There will be drama.
  40. They crave plot twists.
  41.  They fear no-one will ever understand all their allusions.
  42. They mine for emotional shrapnel like diamonds.
  43. Their euphemisms will never measure up.
  44. They can only live in or visit cities with poetry open mics.
  45. What ever is wrong, they have a tea for it, and probably a cookie, definitely a wine.
  46. They attempt to interject malapropisms into every conversation.
  47. They have their own antagonist and nemesis.
  48. They sneak dord into conversations in an attempt to make it a real word.
  49. They abuse Asyndetons.
  50. But the most important reason never to date a poet is that poetry is an addiction, and before you know it you will be hooked.


  1. Very amusing, smiling and laughing at so many of these reasons because I do them .... my god maybe there is a poet cheekily lurking inside. Reason 48 - I do it all the time. I'll have to look up malapropisms ... and it sounds great to 'date someone' who could get hooked and addicted, to poetry. Could do a lot worse. Thanks Roselle for uplifting the day. x Jen

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